The Dog Did It

Did I ever tell you that my dog is a monster?  Almost everyday, I fantasize about him running away or finding someone that just loves him and can't wait to take him off my hands.

I mean, I do love him.  I picked him (as my husband kindly reminds me every time I say he's a beast).  But he just drives me crazy on a daily basis.  He barks at everything from school buses to people when we're on walks, he's a nervous tinkler, and he sometimes has an issue with going to the potty in the house.

Sounds great, right?  Well, let me tell you how not so great it is.  Since we're buying a house and closing is a couple weeks before Christmas, we decided to start the packing early.  So, I'm in the process of decluttering, cleaning, and packing which means that most of the normal everyday stuff is pushed aside some days.  The other day, my apartment looked like a bomb went off.  You literally had to step over a mess of stuff to come in the door.

The plan was to get a bunch of it done during Abby's nap but about an hour into her nap there was a knock on the door followed by barking from my beast.  I went to the door and it was a termite inspector from the HOA.  I completely forgot they were coming to check out the apartments and was beyond mortified.  I let him in and explained how I was packing and have a baby and it doesn't normally look like this and how "oh my god, I am so embarrassed!!".  He was laughing and said not to worry so I put the dog in my bedroom while the guy checked everything.

Then, he needed to get into my room... where the dog was.  I opened the door and did a quick scan around the room to make sure there wasn't anything too embarrassing laying around.  I picked JR up, let the guy in, and as I'm walking down the hallway I hear something go 'ploop'.  I pause for a second in disbelief and think, "oh no, he didn't".  Then I turn and look, "oh yes, he did".

I quickly run to put the dog on the porch and clean up his mess before this guy steps in it.  I am successful and as he leaves I'm grateful that he come across the gift my dog left.

Hours... HOURS... later, I go into my room and on the side of the bed that I can't see from the door, there is a lovely present from my dog.  I am livid!  I am embarrassed!  I am ready to give him away!

I go out to the living and tell my husband what 'HIS' dog did and he cleans it up.  I tell my husband about the termite inspector and he says, "Don't worry, I'm sure the guy knew the dog did it."

I stare at him blankly for a second.  Are you saying that there's a chance the guy could have thought I did it?!?

I love animals.  I really do.  In reality, I know it would be hard to give him away because he's like family to me.  That being said... anyone interested in adopting a dog?

My Wardrobe Malfunction

I have something in common with celebs like Tara Reed.  You know, the celebs who unwillingly flash a little boobage.  Yup, I have had a major wardrobe malfunction!

I took dance classes from age 3 to age 16 but my 8th grade dance recital takes the cake for most excitement.  I was so happy to be in advanced classes which meant more routines and, in my opinion, way cooler routines.  My particular favorite that year was a song from Lion King, "Be Prepared".  I was so excited to perform the number and was just getting into it when the unthinkable happened!



As far as wardrobe malfunctions go, this could not have happened at a better time.  I bent down and over the music I could hear "Snap".  As quickly as I heard it, I felt my strap pop off and I reacted.  Grabbing my almost exposed boob, I followed the group with the next step, a leap, but then proceeded off the stage.  Mortified is the best word to describe what I was feeling.  Unfortunately, I couldn't actually exit the stage from the wing I was on so there I stood for the next 2 minutes or so... holding my costume up the entire time.

When the song was over, I hurried backstage where my mom and best friend were waiting.  My mom, who was the one who sewed my costume in place, was super apologetic but I was so embarrassed that I lashed out at her a little.  However, before she was even done sewing it back into place, I saw the humor in it and started laughing.

The worst part of the whole thing?  There were a bunch of high school boys in the back of the auditorium that I was sure would never let me live it down.  Even worse, my uncle had the whole thing of video.  Even worse, I had to wear this costume countless times over the next few days!  At least my nervousness was focused on keeping my costume on as opposed to performing!

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