I Knew What I Wanted

I knew what I wanted.

At 16, I knew I didn't want to live in Pennsylvania.

At 18, I knew I wanted to go to college.  In Pennsylvania and not too far from home.

At 20, I knew I wanted to go to grad school in Pennsylvania.

At 21, I knew I wanted to leave school and help my Mom who was diagnosed with breast cancer.

At 22, I knew I wanted to have fun and be single.

At 23, I knew I wanted the man I loved to come from Iraq safely.

At 24, I knew I wanted to still live in Pennsylvania close to my family but with my then boyfriend.

At 25, I knew I wanted to be married and support my soon to be husband so I knew I wanted to move to Maryland.

At 26, I knew I wanted to finally finish my degree and start a career.

At 27, I knew I wanted to be a mom and my career wasn't so important.

At 28, I never knew I wanted to have another baby.

Now, at almost 31, I know that I never really knew what I wanted.  What I wanted and what I have now are different.  Different and better.  I have more than I ever thought I wanted or would have.  I am grateful for lost dreams and the bends in my journey that put me in the place I am now.

I always think of what would have happened if I had all the things I thought I wanted.  I would never have ended up in some random bar in upstate New York.  I would never have been introduced to my husband, a New England fan from Massachusetts.  I wouldn't be where I am right now, on my couch with my 2 little girls napping away and my husband watching some cheesy 80's movie next to me.

I am blessed to not have gotten what I wanted.