Thank you all so much for your thoughtful comments the other day. I'm feeling better and working on forgiveness. I've decided that it's not for me to judge, especially since I'm not sure who it was. Thanks for all the advice and understanding!
On a positive note.....
I finally reached my goal, and I'll be heading to Washington, D.C. bright and early tomorrow morning for the Susan G. Komen 3 Day for a Cure. I already got choked up when I was reading the event info and they said there's a banner we can sign with our loved ones name on it. It's still hard for me to believe that my mom's not here but I know she'd be proud that we raised so much money for breast cancer.
It's going to be absolutely amazing to be surrounded by so many people who have been affected by breast cancer but and are trying to make a difference. Hopefully, the emotions that will be running through me will keep my feet moving because 60 miles is far. REAL FAR! I haven't really trained (at all) nor has my cousin so this should be interesting!
The only down side is that I have to leave Abby for 4 days. I've only left her alone over night once before so this is really, really, really difficult. She'll be with my dad and will probably have an awesome time getting spoiled and playing with other her cousin but I'll be missing and worrying every moment! It doesn't help that she'll be a couple states away either. It's funny, I wanted a break for a while. You know, just some time to go to the bathroom with the door closed. Now that I'll have a little break, I'm a nervous wreck!
I hope you all have an awesome weekend and I'll catch up with you Monday or Tuesday!
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Monday, October 4, 2010
Disappointment: Forgiving and Moving Forward
Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.
- Buddha
Have you ever been so disappointed in someone that it makes you wonder if you ever really knew them? Yesterday I found out that someone close to me did something unthinkable. It is so awful that I don't even want to think about it or say it out loud. Unfortunately, I don't know exactly who it was so now I will forever be suspicious. The only way to move past it is to forgive but it's hard because I gave the person an opportunity to redeem themselves anonymously and they did not. All I know is that someone I love and would do anything for, is dishonest and selfish. I can not tell you how much my heart breaks just thinking about this.
I believe that everything that happens in our life gives us the opportunity to become a better, stronger person. We always have a choice between right and wrong. We also always have the choice to right a wrong choice. I feel disappointed that someone closest to me has not taken advantage of difficult times and learned some valuable lessons. I feel disappointed that they are not the person that I know they are capable of being. My only hope is that on their journey through life, they become the person I always knew they would be.
"I'm not angry because you lied to me, I'm angry because I can't trust you anymore"
- Unknown
Friday, October 1, 2010
Struggles and Strength
Image via WikipediaI was watching Dr. Phil yesterday and he reminded me of a lesson that is easy to forget. We're not all that different. Regardless of our struggles, there is always someone else who has been through or felt the same. The details may be different but the struggle and feelings are the same.
Since watching that episode, I've noticed that it's so true. Today is no exception. October is breast cancer awareness month and all morning I've been coming across bloggers who share similar experiences to mine. Some of these experiences, quite honestly, break my heart but once all of the details are stripped away, every story is one of strength. When life hands you the unthinkable, you find strength that you never thought you had.
I was 21 years old when I found out my mom had breast cancer. For 7 long years, breast cancer was the elephant in the room. Even during remission, the fear was always there but so was strength. I saw it in my mom, especially when the cancer returned. She had always said she would never go through chemo again but she found the strength to fight. I saw it in my siblings, who lived with her, helped her, and tried to continue living their life. I saw it in myself every time I had to be 'the bad news bear' and sit the four of them down for an update on my mom.
The most important lesson that I'm learning is that I am no different than countless other people who have been through the same thing. You find the strength to overcome, just as so many people have and will continue to do. When I walk in the 3Day next week, I'll be surrounded by people the same as me. People who have been affected by breast cancer and have found the strength to push forward. Although all of stories will have different details, none of us are all that different.
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
A Letter to the Younger Me
Our Back to School Back to Blogging task this week is to contribute to the idea bank, which is shaping up to be an awesome resource for curing writer's block. The second part of our task is to pick an idea to write about. After going through the list, I found one that caught my attention. Write a letter to your younger self... reminds me of that Brad Paisley song, Letter to Me. Ooh, there is so much I wish I had known so here goes!
Dear Me,
If I know me, which I do, I would never have followed any of this advice but it would've been nice to have in the back of my mind.
There is life after high school and you will not remain friends with any of those people. Dad is right when he says that your lucky if you have one true friend in your entire life... you've already found her so don't sweat the small stuff.
Quit smoking now because it gets harder as you get older and your future husband hates. Speaking of your future husband, you don't know him yet so go ahead and dump that loser your dater. You'll meet him on some crazy trip to upstate New York... one of those where you go knowing you have hardly any money in your pocket and get too drunk to drive home. He'll not only buy you drinks but make sure you get home safely so don't listen to anyone who tells you that you find a nice guy at a bar. He'll also tell you he's going to marry you one day. You won't believe him but he's right.
Quit being so mean. One day, someone you were mean to that you don't even recognize will look down her nose at you as though she is better than you. That's ok, but she won't hire your sister for a job and your sister will make sure she reminds you every chance she gets how mean you were. I say were because you will change and be nicer (or at least keep your comments to yourself, where they belong).
Speaking of siblings, if one them asks you to borrow books on elephants from the library... DON'T DO IT! They'll get lost and you'll forget about them. 10 years later (yes, it will take 10 years for you to graduate college) you'll finally complete your coursework and after auditing your account these library books will come to haunt you.
Give your mom a break. She's never going to discipline anyone nor will she ever pay her bills on time. She WILL love all of you more than you could ever imagine was possible, that is until you have your own daughter. She will always be the strongest person you have ever met and face cancer with sarcasm and laughter. Take it easy on her, help her with housework, quit complaining about things you just don't understand, and don't get mad at her when she doesn't stay in the museum or want to walk around DC. Yes, she'll always be frustrating but in a funny sort of way! Finally, please make her go for a mammogram!
There will come a time when you realize that family means more to you than any friends could. Your dad will be the first person you call when you need advice, want to cry, or just need to vent. Your extended family... aunts, uncles, cousins, long lost relatives... will stand by your side through your toughest years. Treat them well and visit them often. As mom will tell you one day, "lean on them, they'll help you." She's right, so appreciate them from now.
There is so much more that I wish to tell you but truthfully, the mistakes you will make are what make you become the person you are meant to be. As you grow, you'll meet people who inspire you and remind you how good you have it. Nothing really gets easier but it does get different so keep moving forward.
Love,
Me
P.S. The winning numbers for the Maryland Mega Millions on Sept 21, 2010 is 03, 20, 43, 47, 57 and the bonus is 26.
Dear Me,
If I know me, which I do, I would never have followed any of this advice but it would've been nice to have in the back of my mind.
There is life after high school and you will not remain friends with any of those people. Dad is right when he says that your lucky if you have one true friend in your entire life... you've already found her so don't sweat the small stuff.
Quit smoking now because it gets harder as you get older and your future husband hates. Speaking of your future husband, you don't know him yet so go ahead and dump that loser your dater. You'll meet him on some crazy trip to upstate New York... one of those where you go knowing you have hardly any money in your pocket and get too drunk to drive home. He'll not only buy you drinks but make sure you get home safely so don't listen to anyone who tells you that you find a nice guy at a bar. He'll also tell you he's going to marry you one day. You won't believe him but he's right.
Quit being so mean. One day, someone you were mean to that you don't even recognize will look down her nose at you as though she is better than you. That's ok, but she won't hire your sister for a job and your sister will make sure she reminds you every chance she gets how mean you were. I say were because you will change and be nicer (or at least keep your comments to yourself, where they belong).
Speaking of siblings, if one them asks you to borrow books on elephants from the library... DON'T DO IT! They'll get lost and you'll forget about them. 10 years later (yes, it will take 10 years for you to graduate college) you'll finally complete your coursework and after auditing your account these library books will come to haunt you.
Give your mom a break. She's never going to discipline anyone nor will she ever pay her bills on time. She WILL love all of you more than you could ever imagine was possible, that is until you have your own daughter. She will always be the strongest person you have ever met and face cancer with sarcasm and laughter. Take it easy on her, help her with housework, quit complaining about things you just don't understand, and don't get mad at her when she doesn't stay in the museum or want to walk around DC. Yes, she'll always be frustrating but in a funny sort of way! Finally, please make her go for a mammogram!
There will come a time when you realize that family means more to you than any friends could. Your dad will be the first person you call when you need advice, want to cry, or just need to vent. Your extended family... aunts, uncles, cousins, long lost relatives... will stand by your side through your toughest years. Treat them well and visit them often. As mom will tell you one day, "lean on them, they'll help you." She's right, so appreciate them from now.
There is so much more that I wish to tell you but truthfully, the mistakes you will make are what make you become the person you are meant to be. As you grow, you'll meet people who inspire you and remind you how good you have it. Nothing really gets easier but it does get different so keep moving forward.
Love,
Me
P.S. The winning numbers for the Maryland Mega Millions on Sept 21, 2010 is 03, 20, 43, 47, 57 and the bonus is 26.
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Um, You Blog? YES, I DO!
Last night I was updating my blog using some of the pointers from Back to School Back to Blogging. I realized that I didn't have a section on my blog that told my new readers about me, which is one of the first places I look on other people's blogs. I knew I needed to create one and to start I took a look at my first post to see how I originally introduced myself. Back then I had no idea people actually dedicated a whole page for that sort of thing. Back then I had no idea what a blog was or that so many people had one.
As I read that original blog post, I realized how much my reason for blogging has changed. It started as a way to raise awareness and in hopes of becoming an official blogger for the Susan G. Komen 3 Day for a Cure but it has become so much more. I wasn't selected to be the official blogger but I found something that I love to do. I'm not the type of person who has lots of hobbies. Most of my hobbies last for only a short time and then I get bored.
Blogging has yet to get boring and I blog about so much more than just about breast cancer and healing after losing my mom. Honestly, I blog very little about those things lately... well, my mom pops up a lot but usually not in a depressing sort of way. It's given me an outlet and as a stay at home mom I needed one... desperately! It's given me a way to connect with others, learn from them, laugh with them, and be inspired by them.
Most importantly, it's given me something to do that is just for me. People outside of the blogging world often look at me strange when I tell them I blog and there first question, "is about what?" My answer is always... "about me, about life, about anything I want."
My blog is my baby. I designed it, I nurture it, and I love watching it grow!
One of the writing prompts over at Mama Kat's this week is to answer the question: What does blogging mean to you? What purpose does it serve you and how have you benefited? Simply put, blogging means 'me time'. 'Me time' makes me happy and less stressed. A happy and less stressed me is a benefit to EVERYONE!
Please don't think less of me... I have to ask because I am desperate!
Since I already mention the Susan G. Komen 3 Day, I figured I would throw in a shameless request here. If anyone is interested in donating to this amazing organization, please click the widget on my side bar or click here. In order to do this walk, I need to raise $2300 and my fundraisers were completely unsuccessful. I am about $1200 short and if I don't raise enough money my poor cousin will be walking the 60 miles by herself (she's fundraising rock star!).
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
The Winner Is...
Sorry, I totally forgot to generate the winner for the Shutterfly giveaway yesterday. The winner is Margaret from Take a Walk With Me. Congrats and enjoy!
VROOM! VROOM!
It's been such a long time since I participated in the IHeartFaces photo challenge but when I saw the theme for this week, VROOM! VROOM!, I knew I had the perfect picture to use. We took this a while ago during one of our many stops on an 8 hour ride to Vermont.
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