Focus Friday

"Whatever we focus on is bound to expand. Where we see the negative, we call forth more negative. And where we see the positive, we call forth more positive. Having loved and lost, I now love more passionately. Having won and lost, I now win more soberly. Having tasted the bitter, I now savor the sweet."

 Marianne Williamson 

I haven't done a Focus Friday lately because things have been a bit crazy (there are times that Friday comes and goes before I realize it was here).  Visiting with family this past week has reminded where my focus needs to be.  It's also reminded me that my job as a parent is to teach my girls how to enjoy what's around them.  Carving out time for family and treating family with respect is somewhat of a learned behavior.  If I do not make the effort to be around loved ones then they will not learn how important these people really are.

There are times that make me realize how disconnected we can be from one another.  Everyone is on their laptop, iPhone, or some other device and not really enjoying the people right in front of them.  I am guilty, especially in the mornings when I'm tired and it's so much easier to sit, drink my coffee, and go online while Abby watches tv.  


There was a moment this past week (or I should say a few hours) when me and the girls were the only ones not sucked in by technology.  I realized that everyone was really missing out.  Our visit was long but short in the sense that we only visit a few times a year.  We wouldn't be there next week and wouldn't see each other again until April or possibly sometime after.  I know when given a choice between technology or family we would all choose family but how often do our actions show something different?


I'm going to make a conscious effort to increase my quality time with my family.  Cell phone off and computer hidden away.  Today I took the girls outside to enjoy the first signs of Spring.  Yes, I know it's March 1st but I was outside in short sleeves... for those of you up North, please don't hate! 

I took time to make a delicious, healthy lunch while Abby played with her dinosaurs.  

Now, while both girls are napping, I have time to write without interruption.  By the time they wake up, I'll feel rested and ready to focus on these two little ladies:

Do you sometimes find yourself not living in the moment?  How do you make time for your family each day?

Fa La La La La

We are in full Christmas mode but have so much left to do!  Abby is literally counting down the days until Santa comes!  She still won't take a picture with him but was ambushed yesterday.  We went to see some Christmas lights and Santa was there.  She debated whether to go see him but she couldn't resist the candy cane!

I wish I was just a little quicker!  

We've also been spending time making salt dough ornaments, which is apparently serious business!

And, making (eating) a gingerbread choo choo train!

Oh, and we've been wrapping presents like crazy.  Well, the ones that are here.  Did I mention I have a terrible habit of mailing things to the wrong address?  I know I'm an airhead!  A few months ago I had something mailed to my old apartment, which my old landlord thankfully intercepted for me.  This time I had stuff mailed to my mom's house which is where my brothers still live.  So, wrapping won't officially be done until Christmas Eve but we're close!

Tonight starts the baking extravaganza!  Too much to do and too little time, especially with an infant who has a tendency to scream from 8 til 11 at night!  I feel an all nighter coming up soon!

What are you all up to for the holidays?

Here I Am!!!

Wow, another long break in blogging for me.  It has really been hard for me to keep up with blogging during this pregnancy (and really hope you all are still reading).  I am just so TIRED!!!  I am also an emotional basket case... up and down, up and down... I just never know how I'm going to feel from one moment to the next.  It's frustrating, especially for my poor husband.

Other than mood swings and being tired all the time, this pregnancy has been going great.  I'm 28 weeks along and had to take my sugar test today.  I am a little nervous for the results since I had gestational diabetes last time.  In anticipation of not being able to eat anything fun soon, I stopped at Panera on my way home from the test for a bagel and an iced caramel latte with soy milk and whip cream.

After that last statement, I'm sure no one is surprised that I gained a little too much wait this past month.  Oh, and the month before.  Oops!  But in the big picture my weight gain is on track.  Basically, I gained very little the first few months but made up for it this past two.  It will always amaze me how such an itty bitty baby could make a person so hungry!

In my own defense, I have been working out regularly.  I love my Youtube exercise videos (I highly recommend this series of workouts) and run 1.5 miles 3 to 4 times a week on the elliptical.  It's not crazy intense but it's something.  So, I'm hoping this extra weight gain is more baby than fluff but we shall see.

By far the cutest part about being pregnant is Abby's reaction.  She can not wait to meet baby sister!  She's been to the past few doctor appointments with me and behaves shockingly well!  Except for the time when she was confused why baby sister was still in my belly and kept lifting my shirt yelling, "OPEN MOMMA!"  Guess she was ready for baby sister to be here.  I'm hoping that she's just as excited once she's here!

Notice how I referred to her as "baby sister?"  Well, the prepared parents that we are have yet to pick a name.  Or order a crib.  Or move my sister out of her room (and into the bedroom downstairs).  Or get a car seat.  Or get anything else one would need to care for a newborn baby.  With Abby, things were ready so early!  We had a name, a plan, we were good to go!  This time... not so much.  It's crunch time!

One last thing to catch you up in this long update.  I am forever in awe of how fast Abby grows and changes.  When we went on vacation last year,  she absolutely hated the sand and the water.  This year, she was such a brave girl.  We couldn't keep her out of the water and the sand!  Not to mention how many more rides she was able to go on at the amusement park and all by herself too!  It's amazing to see how quick things change.  I can't wait to see what next year's vacation is like with baby sister!

Celebrating with a BBQ, Fireworks, and Reptiles?!?

The 4th of July always meant big family parties when I was a kid.  There would be family, food, and laughs and a strong sense of patriotism.  Over the years the party has gotten smaller as family has moved away, including myself.  With Dan's schedule as crazy as it is (he's working midnights right now) and family 4 hours away or more, we typically celebrate some holidays much smaller than my childhood memories.  Small is not always a bad thing because we're flexible enough to pick and choose what we want to do and yesterday proved to be a crazy sort of day filled with surprises.

My sister and I took Abby to a bouncy house first thing in the morning.  She had an absolute blast!  She's one of the toughest kids I've ever met and held her own with the older kids.  I held my breathe half the time and after 45 minutes my nerves were just shot!  We left, she cried hysterically, and went for lunch where they gave her all the necessary accessories to become a pirate!  Awesome!

After a much needed nap (not for me unfortunately), we sang some patriotic songs.  I discovered 2 things:  one, I have forgotten most of what I learned as a child and two, there is a serious shortage of upbeat patriotic songs.

When I finally woke Dan up Dan finally woke up, we went outside to BBQ and have some fun in the sprinkler before getting ready for fireworks.

This is where it gets a little crazy.  We drove all the way to the fireworks and paid $5 to park our car.  We walked from our car to the actual fireworks location which took about 40 minutes since Abby refuses to use a stroller (and hasn't for at least 6 months now).  At which point, Dan looks at me and says there is no way we're getting back to the car and getting home in time for him to be a work.  So, after a million "What do you want to do?  I don't know... What do you want to do?", we walked back to the car and made our way out of the busy lot to find a location further away but less crowded to see fireworks.


The only way to get Abby to go faster than the first walk was to promise her ice cream so we stopped at McDonald's on our way.  As we walk out of our car we see this:

and this:

Apparently the owner of these animals rescues them and does kids parties.  I'm still confused as to why he was outside McD's but it was interesting to say the least.  Abby, as always, was fearless and enjoyed eating her ice cream cone surrounded by Boa Constrictors!

We then left McD's and could not decide where the best place to park was.  We also couldn't figure out where to look.  We also couldn't figure out what time it would actually start.  Finally, we decided to drive over the bridge and back.  As luck would have it, traffic on the bridge closed on our way back as soon as the fireworks started so we got to see the show from what I think was the best spot!  Abby's face was priceless!

I hope you and your family had an fun filled holiday!  

First, I really need to say a big Thank You to all of our troops!  Let's pray that today marks a turning point for our world to return to peace again so that all of our troops can start coming home!

So, I really didn't intend to take such a long blogging break.  I thought that confronting my block would help but life has been a bit hectic and this little blog of mine has been terribly neglected.  Honestly, I have only been spending about a fraction of the time I normally do online.  The strangest thing is that I still don't feel like I have gotten any thing extra accomplished with my day.  Go figure!

The first exciting thing to happen these past few weeks was that we went out and finally bought a new car!  I can not tell you how happy I am to finally have some wheels on the days that Dan works.  I am not too happy about the payment but I guess that's just the way it works.  I am also not too happy that gas prices are so incredibly ridiculous which makes road trips still hard to plan.  If only I could just win the lottery!!

We also had a very special birthday to celebrate!  Abby's 2nd birthday was filled with lots of family and fun.  The party was on Sunday but half the party showed up the day before so it was a jam packed weekend!  All the cleaning, planning and cooking was definitely worth it because Abby had a blast!

Then we took her back to Clark's Farm on her actually birthday so she could run around and pet some of the animals.  She loved it!!  I tried to recreate some of the photos we took the year before but she isn't all that cooperative in front of the camera.  She either doesn't look at me or she runs up to me yelling "Cheese!" which makes my picture look like this:

We also got a new room mate!  My sister decided she wanted to live closer so she's going to be staying with us for a while.  I have been so far away from family for the past few years so I couldn't be happier having her here!  Abby is absolutely loving all of the extra attention too.

We were also lucky enough to have some beautiful weather so we've been trying to get outside to enjoy it.  We did some Easter egg hunting and we even walked to our local beach!  Abby can't wait to jump in the water!

And the biggest news!  The news that I have been dying to share but wanted to tell my Grandmother in person before I told any of my bloggy buddies is......

Yup... baby #2 is on it's way!  The expected due date is November 19th and I am super excited!  This wasn't exactly a planned thing but it's definitely a happy surprise.  This is probably the biggest reason that I haven't been blogging lately.  This baby has totally wiped me out.  I was nauseous day and night and just looking at the computer screen was making my world spin.  Thankfully, I think I'm slowly getting past that and I'm hoping it's smooth sailing from now until November.

So, there you have it.  We've been celebrating some pretty big things... birthdays, Easter, pregnancy... oh my!  We've also had lots of visitors and my sister moved in.  All that on top of morning sickness!  But, the good news is that I'm back and I can't wait to catch up with all of you!

Happy (Almost) New Year!

With New Years Eve tomorrow night, I've been thinking a lot about my Mom.  New Years Eve is her birthday and we always spent it with her.  As a teenager, I was a little annoyed that I was never able to go to the cool parties with everyone (well, except for once... I had fun... too much fun because I got grounded afterwards).  As an adult, there was no where else I would rather be and I wish I could go back to the days when I was a kid.

Tradition is an important thing in our family.  Now that my Mom is gone we are still trying to find our new groove for the holidays but as a kid we knew where we would be.  As a little kid, we would all go over to my Grandmother's house (my Mom's mom) and have a huge party for New Years.  At midnight we would all be ready with pots and pans.  As the ball dropped, we would run up and down the street making an insane amount of noise and shouting "Happy New Year!"  As kids, we knew we were only allowed to a certain drive way before we had to turn around.

Things were simple.  We just knew where we were supposed to be and what we were supposed to do.  After my Grandmother passed away we continued the tradition of banging pots and pans but slowly the tradition faded.  The parties got smaller as cousins married and started their own traditions.  Even my sibling and I have branched out to do different things.

As is tradition with everyone holiday, I will be spending it with family which is the one thing that remains constant.  The people might be different from year to year, but being surrounded by loved ones stays the same.  Those who can get together do and those who can't are missed.  I know that as the night goes on, I'll be thinking of my Mom and remembering all the childhood memories with a smile.

And who knows... if Abby actually makes it to midnight I may let her bang on some pots and pans to show her how to ring in the New Year right!

I wish all of you a Happy New Year!  Filled with health, wealth, and happiness!

Happy Turkey Days!?!

I hope everyone enjoyed their Thanksgiving!  We certainly did!  We were able to visit with family members in three different states and enjoyed 3 big meals!  Good thing family meals are calorie free in my book!

This was the 2nd Thanksgiving without my Mom.  She was missed but I was glad that I got through the day remembering her but not grieving.  It was strange but I didn't get overly emotional until my ride home on Monday night after visiting my Dad.  It suddenly hit me that I had spent time with my Dad, my aunt (who's like a second mom to me), and my in laws... all the parent figures.  It's kind of a hard feeling to express.  It's a thought that caught me off guard and hit me like a ton of bricks. Sometimes life is just depressing.

On a positive note, Abby had a blast visiting everyone.  We even got a chance to take her to this awesome place, Edaville Railroad.  She got a chance to ride on a 'choo choo' and to meet Santa (which didn't go as well as I hoped).  She even ate her first lollipop, which was too stinkin' cute!  After the first taste, she paused and looked at me before letting out a great big 'MMMMM'.

100th Post!

Wow.  I can't believe this is my 100th post.  It seems like something I should celebrate!  This little blog is really starting to grow and I have met some amazing people.  So many of you have had such kind words to say when I was down and made me feel not so alone when things get crazy.  Thank you!


I was thinking about what to write about for my 100th post and for a few days I couldn't think of anything that seemed special enough to dedicate this post to.  Until last night on my way home from the grocery store.  I was listening to the radio and the song "Highway 20 ride" by the Zac Brown Band was on.  I've heard this song a million times but for some reason, these lyrics really got me:

A day might come you'll realize
That if you see through my eyes
There was no other way to work it out
And a part of you might hate me
But son, please don’t mistake me
For a man that didn’t care at all

See, my Dad was that guy.  Except it was every other weekend that he would drive 2 hours from New Jersey to Pennsylvania to pick us up for a weekend.  He would get there Friday night or Saturday morning and drive us back on Sunday night.  That's 8 hours of driving just to get up for work Monday morning.

I know that if I go on too much, he'll be totally embarrassed so let me just say that he's gone above and beyond what is expected of any father.  He was there for all of us regardless of how we behaved or what we said.  He pushed me to go to school, was my rock throughout my mom's illness, and was still there whenever I made bad decisions.  Now that I'm a parent I dread the day that Abby puts me through what I put my parents through. 


If there was one thing that I could say my Dad has taught all of us, and continues to teach us over the years, it's food.  Without him none of us would be the food connoisseurs we are today.  Seriously, people are shocked the first time they have Sunday dinner with us.  Well, shocked first and then usually sick from over eating.  It takes a true connoisseur to know the proper way to navigate a Chinese Buffet.  Or how to order a White Castle cheeseburger... aka murder burgers.  Or that when eating at Rutt's Hut (a must if you're ever in Jersey!) always stand at the counter because the food just doesn't taste the same if you sit in the restaurant.  He's my go to guy for recipes, which I then make for family and pass off as my own.  He's also one hell of a baker!  These are priceless lessons from a one of kind Dad! 


Here we are on my wedding day.  Feel free to leave a comment about how much he looks like Al Pacino!  It'll really make his day!  

Sorry Dad if I embarrassed you but I thought for my 100th post I should honor someone who helped make me who I am today!  Thank you!

Pumpkin Patch Fun!

Just a little update on our house hunting.... we found one!  We love it and the work it needs is definitely doable if our offer is accepted.  There was a little compromise with yard space... the amount that's there leaves a lot to be desired but the size, layout and neighborhood makes up for that.  It's a short sale though so I'm trying not to get my hopes up just yet since it could take months to hear back from the bank.

We also took Abby pumpkin picking over the weekend.  She had a blast even though she took a couple falls in the corn maze.  I can't believe the fall is here and halloween is right around the corner!  This will be Abby's first year trick or treating since last year we took her to Salem.

How is everyone else celebrating the arrival of Fall?

Disappointment: Forgiving and Moving Forward

Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.

 - Buddha

Have you ever been so disappointed in someone that it makes you wonder if you ever really knew them?  Yesterday I found out that someone close to me did something unthinkable.  It is so awful that I don't even want to think about it or say it out loud.  Unfortunately, I don't know exactly who it was so now I will forever be suspicious.  The only way to move past it is to forgive but it's hard because I gave the person an opportunity to redeem themselves anonymously and they did not.  All I know is that someone I love and would do anything for, is dishonest and selfish.  I can not tell you how much my heart breaks just thinking about this.

I believe that everything that happens in our life gives us the opportunity to become a better, stronger person.  We always have a choice between right and wrong.  We also always have the choice to right a wrong choice.  I feel disappointed that someone closest to me has not taken advantage of difficult times and learned some valuable lessons.  I feel disappointed that they are not the person that I know they are capable of being.  My only hope is that on their journey through life, they become the person I always knew they would be.

"I'm not angry because you lied to me, I'm angry because I can't trust you anymore" 

- Unknown

VROOM! VROOM!

It's been such a long time since I participated in the IHeartFaces photo challenge but when I saw the theme for this week, VROOM! VROOM!, I knew I had the perfect picture to use.  We took this a while ago during one of our many stops on an 8 hour ride to Vermont.

Happy Grandparent's Day

Before I get to Grandparent's Day, I wanted to remind everyone about the Shutterfly giveaway.  I will be picking someone on Monday so don't forget to get your entry in!

Today is Grandparent's Day, which I now know thanks to tv channels like Sprout.  I had no idea there was a Grandparent's Day but now that I do I felt bad not acknowledging it (even though I think it's just a holiday made up by Hallmark to sell more cards).  I wanted to do something special for them but I also wanted it to come from Abby.

My first thought was a one of those HUGE cards and have her paint or color inside.  Unfortunately, I don't think they make those cards for Grandparent's Day because I searched and came up empty.  I was stumped... whatever I did had to make it to them for tomorrow (or Monday at the latest).  Since her Nonno (my dad) lives 3.5 hours away and her Grammy and Gramps live 9 hours away this was going to be impossible by mail.  So... I thought about an e-card.

From there the idea spun into a video!  Yup, my wheels work.... they just squeak a lot.  I have to say I love my MAC!! I never made a video before and although it was tricky, it was possible.  After about 3 hours, here's my final project.  I hope you enjoy it!

By the way, she's laughing at herself on the screen.  She finds herself hysterical!

A Pictures Worth a Thousand Words....

At the Patriot's practice.... I see a future cheerleader in the making!

Fun in the Sun!

Phew... I feel like we just got back from one road trip and we're off to the next one!  I am so far behind on reading my favorite blogs (along with a ton of housework... but that can wait).  Not that I'm complaining seeing family is always a blast and LBI was great.  Abby experienced so many firsts... first time in the ocean, first time on rides, first time staying up late and eating ice cream for dinner!  She really was a trooper and handled all the new experiences with a mixture of laughter and tears....

She really wanted to get the ball.... 

But she really hated the sand!

She loved floating around in the bay... the ocean, not so much!

I thought this was going to be the longest carousel ride ever.... 

But I think this was her favorite ride!  Look at that cheesy smile (and yes, that's me looking all crazy!)

We had so much fun that we plan on invading my Dad and his girlfriend's vacation every year! It was great to see them everyday and I know Abby is a little lonely now that only Mommy is around.  We leave tomorrow for to visit with some other family and because of our crazy dog we have to add some hours to our trip.  First we'll travel to Massachusetts for a day, then to Vermont for a family reunion, and then back to Massachusetts.  Our little beast is not allowed at the family reunion... well, no one said that exactly but I could hear the sigh of relief when I said he would not be attending!  He'll spend the day in Massachusetts with the in laws while we party it up at the family reunion.  


I hope everyone is enjoying their summer as much as we are!  

Tinkle, Tinkle Little Doggie

We're about to head out to LBI to vacation with some family.  The only problem is we have a dog... a very anxious and bad little dog.  Since we're staying in a rented house, we didn't want to bring him and deal with the messes and embarrassment.  We decided to board him at Petsmarts Pet Hotel and the trip there today was anything but fun.  


Hubbins is working so I had to bring the dog in.  As I'm walking into the store and holding Abby, my little beast is jumping and barking at everyone and everything.  I try to put Abby in a cart but realize that the cart is too high and the dog's leash it too short.  I had no choice but to let J.R. dangle in the air for a few seconds (poor guy).


We get into the hotel check in area... which is nicer than some hotels I've stayed at... and he immediately poops on the floor.  Fantastic!  They clean it up which freaks the dog out even more and he starts tinkling.  Not normal tinkle... an endless stream!  As he's endlessly tinkling he's also jumping up on me.  Of course, I'm in flip flops.  Now, I'm covered in pee and there's a puddle in the bottom of my flip flog.  UGH!


When the woman tries to put the collar on J.R., Abby starts freaking out.  I guess she doesn't like this new collar?  So, now I'm being tinkled on and trying to calm her down... great!  After the woman puts the collar on, and in the middle of this chaos, she informs me that I need to add on to our package because J.R. will not get enough exercise.  The problem?  He hates other animals and doesn't like to eat treats or food when we're not around.  So, $13 a day for a peanut butter and ice cream is a waste.  Finally, in an effort to speed things along so I can go wash my foot, I agree to an extra individual playtime which is an extra $10 a day.  This little beast better enjoy it!!!!

I hope everyone has a great rest of the week and weekend!  

It Was the Worst of Times, It Was the Funniest of Times

I can not believe it's been a whole year since I saw her, heard her, hugged her.  I miss her and these past 2 days have felt like I'm reliving everything all over again.  There is so much I've learned this past year and the one lesson that I try to remind myself of every day is that sometimes the things that frustrate you the most are the things you miss the most.  My Mom had so many idiosyncrasies that gave us so many laughs but sometimes drove us crazy!  Whenever I would return back to work after spending time with her, my friends would ask what types of crazy things she did and laugh.  I remember asking my Dad one time how it was possible to love and care for someone so much but be so frustrated at the same time.  Her craziness made her lovable.

For one, she loved Walmart (I did not inherit this quality).  Not only did she shop there but she worked there.  Every time, and I do mean every single time, we went anywhere (yes, even chemo appointments) she would ask to stop there.  She knew everyone that worked there and walking around with her was like walking around with the Mayor of Walmart.  She stopped after every aisle to hug someone or catch up on the gossip.  I swear, a trip to pick up kitty litter would last 2 hours!  She was so dedicated and beloved by her coworkers that after she passed away they framed her vest, name tag and a rose they found in her locker.

My Mom was also a bit stubborn.  She always needed a chaperone at the doctor's office because she would make up things that they said to fit what she wanted to do.  She took medication her way, resulting in one too many anxiety pills more than a time or two.  I still laugh because the day she passed away she made sure to take that last pill.  I will never forget when the doctors put her on a pain patch.  I told her to please be careful and use it as directed.  She swore she would but said the patch wasn't working.  We took her back to the doctor and they were shocked that it didn't help at all.  After questioning her a bit, we found out that she was cutting the patch in half!  I couldn't help but laugh because this was so typical for her but I also gave her a bop on the head the pamphlet I was holding.  The doctor was laughing but said she deserved it!  She was never to be trusted with the patch again!

My Mom's stubbornness also helped her fight through some of the worst pain.  She didn't want surgery and always told the doctors she felt better than she really did.  When she was having a hard time walking, I mean a really hard time, we found out that she was actually walking around on a broken hip for weeks! Any normal person would be anxious to be out of pain but I can remember her first question to the surgeon like it was yesterday, "Well, does it really have to be fixed today?  I have a vacation to Vermont to visit my sister in a few days so can it wait?"  I don't think that doctor could believe what he was hearing but he allowed her to go.  He said for any other patient he would say no but if she promised to be extremely careful and not walk around she could go.  So she went and drove the golf cart around the property!  She was nuts!

She always kept things interesting.  She would say some crazy things at the oddest times.  The most memorable was the day we were all sitting at the table chatting and out of no where she looked at us and said, "I like fish tanks."  Why did she say that?  She said, "Because I do" and then she laughed.  She truly was a character!  She never minded being the brunt of the joke and even allowed my sisters and I to call her Vagina even though her name was Virginia (of course in public we called her Mom, usually).  It made her laugh and her laughter was contagious!

Without laughter, we would have never made it through all of those hard years.  We would laugh at everything from the crazy nurse that wore the funny hat (she reminded us of something out of horror movie) to the loony tune plastic surgeon that was obsessed with her reconstructed belly button.  We laughed at how her doctor would lean forward and blink her eyes a thousand times per second when she talked.  Above all, we laughed at ourselves.  We tried to keep her diagnosis light... it truly does heal the soul.

All the joking and craziness aside, my Mom was the most giving person I know.  It didn't matter to her that she owed money on her house or didn't have enough for groceries, she made do and helped whomever she could.  She would take in a stray person as quickly as she took in a stray cat (which resulted in her having about 7 cats at one point).  She was always picking things up for people (at Walmart of course!) that were on sale... from crazy pajama pants to blankets that had a picture of the state of Texas on it.  She was unique, the best friend you could have, and you knew that you always got a laugh when she was around.  I miss every frustrating moment I had with her and would give anything to go to Walmart with her one more time.  I mean, just look at this smiling face, what is there not to love?

  Miss you Mom!!

Moving Forward... Holidays and Anniversaries

Today is a sad day for me.  For those of you reading this, I want to warn you that the next few days will be a little bit heavy since the anniversary of my Mom's passing is on the 8th.  I will apologize to my sisters and brothers who may read this, for you I am strong but I am not a tank (thank you Resa for the awful description!).  I remember this day last year like it was yesterday.  After Abby went to bed, my sister and I went to Walmart for my Mom.  She wanted us to pick up flowers for my aunt's birthday on the 4th.  My sister and I are terrible decision makers and we really didn't want to disappoint my Mom so it took forever to find something decent.

When we finally got home, my Mom looked at us and said, "Thank God, I've had to pee for an hour!" We felt awful but we had to laugh because my other sister was home and all she had to do was yell for help... but nope she patiently waited for us, crazy lady!

That night was a good night.  We hung out in her room.  My sister died my hair.  We laughed.  She gave me a blanket she had in her closet with a snowman on it.  She gave me one of those things that take the dead skin off your feet.  I yelled at her for giving me all of her stuff.  She told me it was because she loved me.

I went to bed and woke up bright and early but not with the baby.  My Mom was sitting on the chair in living room next to the couch I was sleeping on calling my name.  I looked at her surprised.  She was having such a hard time moving around and that chair wasn't comfy for her anymore.  She said she was in pain, a lot of pain.  She had been up all night but didn't want to wake me.  She thought the baby was waking up so she wanted help before I had to take care of Abby.  I got her morphine and helped her into bed and put oxygen on her.  She kept apologizing but in a very no nonsense way I told her to get sleep and she'll feel better.  I also told her to wake me whenever she was needed to, that's what I'm here for.
How she was able to get around with her walker so quietly, not even waking my sister who was sleeping  in her room, is beyond me.  One thing my Mom taught me is that where this is a will, there is a way.

When she woke up, I understood how she managed.  She looked at me, tears in her eyes, and said that she thought she was going to die that night.  I sat down and held her and assured her as she was telling me how scared she was that she can wake me up anytime.  I told her that she didn't have to be scared alone.  Her biggest fear, one of my brothers or sisters having to watch her die or find her after.  So, I made the last promise I ever made to my Mom... I would not let that happen.

The 4th of July is tomorrow (or today depending on when you're reading this) and I am forcing myself to enjoy the day.  My Mom always celebrated the 4th as did her Mom.  Growing up we had huge family parties at my Grandmother's.  Patriotism, laughter, food, family, fun and fireworks.  I want Abby to love the holiday too and I know that if I don't celebrate this year then I will lose sight of everything the holiday stands for.  Hopefully, my Mom, Grandmother and all those who have passed on are up there celebrating tomorrow too... my Mom drinking Amaretto and my Grandmother dressed as the Statue of Liberty (wish I had a copy of that picture to share with all of you, she was a hoot!).

I'll be thinking of my Mom and how embarrassed she was that she had to take a nap on my uncle's couch in the middle of the party (she said, "Oh, your uncle is going to LOVE this").  But, I'll also be thinking of how happy she was when she woke up.  She had more life in her.  She wanted to stay for fireworks.  She had fun.  I hope that as the years go on that those memories will be stronger than all the others.

Simple Jesstures Give Away!!!

I don't ever do give aways because I am just way too absent minded to get the give away to the winner.  I know it sounds crazy but I am a marathon procrastinator!  So, in fairness I just don't think give aways are a good idea for me.  I also have never promoted another give away here because... well, I have no real reason for that one.  But today I am breaking out of the mold and going to promote a give away being hosted by someone very special... my cousin!

For some time now I have been drooling over her pictures of the tasty creations she's posted on Facebook.  She makes some of the most amazing looking cupcakes and even though I live too far away for a sample, I can tell they are delish!  When she heard that my sisters and I were joining the 3-Day in honor of my mom she was inspired to come up with a way to spin her passion into a business in hopes of being able to donate to our team.

So, Simple Jesstures (cute name, right?) came to be.  She has found a way to combine her love of photography and baking and is sharing her recipes with all of us!  She's giving away a set of 6 Greeting Cards with the recipes included... how yummy do these look?!?

Check out her site, Simple Jesstures, for more info on her business and a recipe for a to die for (from the looks of it, I can't actually try it on my diet) lemon chiffon cake!