Here we are at the 2 year mark. Two years since my Mom has been here. It's hard to believe. There are so many times I still want to call her. Sometimes whether I told her something or whether she was somewhere is fuzzy... I can picture her talking to me about something but then realize it would be impossible. She was just always there, always available to chat so sometimes my mind plays tricks on me.
It's crazy to think of all the things that she wasn't here for. The little things. Abby's first words and steps. The funny things she does. The gossip from family get togethers. Then there's the big things. A new baby. A new home. Family tensions.
She's been missed, by so many. The longer she's gone, the more I learn, the more I admire her. The pain is still just as raw but it surfaces a little less now. I'm sure it will always be there. I try not to focus on the sadness because I know I need to move forward.
I read this the other day in Mitch Albom's book "Have a Little Faith" and I thought I would share. It follows a story as told by Rabbi Albert Lewis during one of his sermons.
"My friends, if we tend to the things that are important in life, if we are right with those we love and behave in line with our faith, our lives will not be cursed with the aching throb of unfulfilled business. Our words will always be sincere, our embraces will be tight. We will never wallow in the agony of 'I could have, I should have.' We can sleep in a storm. And when it's time, our good byes will be complete."
There is no greater lesson we can learn and losing my Mom so young has taught me this lesson well. Do what's right, treat people right and keep your regrets to a minimum. Make sure the ones you love know it and try hard to bite your tongue when you're angry. When I think back to how I treated my Mom, I think I was pretty good to her. However, there are some things that I wish I wouldn't have said or done. I was young, stressed, tired.... so many excuses. But those moments are ones I can't get back. I try to remind myself daily to not make the same mistake but it's sometimes hard. All a person can do is try.
Mom, I miss you every day and I am forever grateful that our last words to one another were "I love you."