Showing Kindness

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Sometimes, I wonder if I'm doing this whole 'motherhood' thing right.  I feel like I always have to be on my game because little eyes are always watching.

There are times that I feel the need to explain things Abby does or says.  Like the time she clapped for a little girl who tripped.  She wasn't being mean, although I knew the other parents may think she was.  We used to (and still do) clap for her when she falls.  As long as she's not hurt, we try to prevent her from crying by making her think she did a good trick.  Abby was just doing what she had seen.

Except, I wondered if I somehow made her unkind.  I wondered if she didn't quite understand that the little girl might be hurt and clapping was not appropriate.  I used the moment to teach her that we always check to make sure someone is ok.

I wasn't sure she listened.

Until, the day one of her dancing school buddies wasn't feeling well.  The little girl was laying down while we were all getting ready for class.  Abby walked right over to her and asked her if she was ok and then rubbed her back.

Instead of run around with the other girls before class, which is by far her favorite part of dance class, she was concerned about her sick friend.

My heart warmed because my little girl gets it.  She is kind, caring, and worries about others.

I am one proud Mama!

Surviving Long Car Trips

Remember the days when we didn't have 'ON DEMAND' or a DVR and could only watch a show when it was actually on TV?  Abby is genuinely confused when she asks to watch something and I tell her it's not on right now.

I am always amazed by how much technology has changed since I was a kid.  Abby now casually uses the word email and knows we can look things up on the computer.  She even started putting '(dot) com' after certain words:  Mickey(dot)com.

When I was a kid, games were board games.  Now, they come from some sort of screen.

I pick and choose when it comes to screen time.  I prefer it to be limited and have some sort of educational value.  But there are times that technology really does make life easier.  Such as, on long car trips.

Whenever we go on a trip thats over 2 hours, we put the dvd player into the car.  What I wouldn't have given to had that when I was a kid!  The only downside?  The process of choosing a movie!  Now that I think of it, I was one of 5 kids so the process of choosing a movie may have made this more of a headache than a sanity saver in my parent's case!

She was so tired from running around outside that she fell asleep with her movie choices on her lap!

We also always make sure to take the IPod which was mine until I made the mistake of putting games on it.  Now it's Abby's "game" and as soon as she sees it, she wants it.  (Guess I'll listen to the radio!)

As soon as she saw me taking pictures, she wanted her "games".  Who could say no to that face?

We do make sure to bring some non-tech fun on trips too.  Abby always picks out a bunch of her toys when we go away as well as books.  And there's nothing like a good old fashioned sing along, except sometimes I have no idea what she's singing!

However, the movies make time go the quickest and we have to hear, "Are we there now?" the least!

What do you bring on long trips to keep your kiddos busy?

Let's Go Fly a Kite!!!

 For the 2nd time, our kite only lasted 30 seconds before flying out to sea!!  

A Mostly Sweet Mother's Day

**  First, I want to wish all the Mama's a VERY HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!  I hope this post doesn't come off as too depressing!**

Mother's Day is only a few days a way.  It's bittersweet for me, as I imagine it will be every year.  Sweet because of these two little ladies:

Bitter because I miss my Mom more than words can say.  Seeing all the Mother's Day quotes, poems, and cards feels like a reminder that she's not here.  We made a card for Dan's Mom and all I kept thinking was how much my Mom would have gotten a kick out of Abby's artwork.  I think it will always feel like we're  missing someone.

I didn't realize just how hard this day would be for me until I found myself making awkward jokes.  For example, when I saw this on Pinterest:

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I said, "Well then I guess our home is Heaven."

Or when my sister was complaining about working on Mother's Day.  She's a waitress and all I could picture was her waiting on families and someone asking her what she was doing with her Mom for the day.  How do you politely say, 'She's dead.'

Or, when I told Dan that all I wanted for Mother's Day was a trip to visit my Mom's grave.  Once we booked the room he asked me if I was excited to see my Mom.  Not the best choice of words but I know he meant well.  However, all I could think was 'ya, real effin excited.'

I know, kind of bitter of me.  Honestly, I'm not bitter and feel like I have come to terms with her being gone.  Except for certain times.  Like Mother's Day, her birthday (which is also New Years Eve), the anniversary of her death, the birth (and birthdays) of my girls, the holidays.  On those days, I feel a little bit of the bitterness and if I don't keep it in check it will take me over.

I keep it in check by remembering that my two little beans are the reason that I am celebrating on Mother's Day.  They gave my life a new direction.  I have two very special reasons to have a mostly sweet Mother's Day.

So, I'll visit her grave and have my moments when I can cry and miss her.  I'll probably reminisce about her a little throughout the day.  But I will also spend some long overdue time with family and give my girls hugs and kisses.

Because at the end of the day, life goes on and those we lost will always be with us.  Just not in the way we want them to be.

Movie Theater Observations

After my last post, I took my own advice.  I told Dan that I NEEDED sleep and I got 2 glorious days of not having to get up with the girls!  It was a much needed break and I can say that I actually feel some what HUMAN again!

Not only did I get sleep but we got to out for a quick date to catch the new Avengers movie on Friday.  I'm not a big movie theater person.  I find it too loud, cold, and uncomfortable.  I also have a fear of leaving my seat once the movie starts because I'm afraid of tripping down (or up) the stairs.  I AM THAT CLUMSY!

I'm a people watcher and there were a few things that struck me as a bit odd.  Maybe it's because I just don't get out much.

• Some man was using one of the headphones that makes things louder.  I've seen these on infomercials but never actually knew anyone that had a pair.  However, he promptly removed them within seconds of the previews starting.  Not going to lie, it made me giggle a little bit although I did feel bad for his poor ears!
• So many people take phone calls and texts!  One guy left the theater at least 3 times... is he really that important?  I think too many of us are forgetting that we do not need to be available every moment of the day!  Enjoy the moment!  Not to mention, you paid good money to see this movie and now you keep leaving... sit down and get your money's worth!
• This last one irks me... I never knew that people bring babies to the movies!  As in newborn babies!  Every time the theater was quiet I could hear the baby crying or making noise.  I don't really mind the noise but my concern is for the baby.  If a theater is too loud and cold for me, I can't imagine how that baby feels.  I know it can be hard to miss out on things because you can't find a sitter but there are much more appropriate places to get adult time with your kiddos.  Just sayin'.

The movie itself was pretty good.  Dan thought it was one of the best comic book movies he's seen (and he's seen them all).    

Of course, we had to bring Abby back a surprise since we went out without her for the afternoon.  Here she is with her very first baseball mitt! 

OK is Almost Always a Lie

I was just about to go to bed after a particularly rough day.  Nothing terrible happened but it was the type of day when everything was a struggle from breakfast to bedtime.  I heard myself talking to Abby and to me I sounded like a monster.  She wasn't listening but she wasn't being terrible.  Her actions did not warrant my tone.  Some days, I feel out of control but I am able to give the allusion of control.  There are some days that I lose it.

And feel guilty beyond measure.  I apologized to her and hugged her and promised to have a better day tomorrow.  But why did I let myself get so explosive?

Maybe it's PMS, lack of sleep, or just stress.

Or maybe it's the fact that I sometimes allow myself to be a doormat.  There are so many times that I say, 'It's fine' or 'No problem' or 'OK'.  The reality is that it is not fine, it is a problem and it is not OK.  I tend to allow people to take advantage to a point where a explode and then everyone around me is confused by my reaction.

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I HATE confrontation and very rarely feel better afterwards.  So, I lie.  On a daily basis.  I lie to myself and to those around me.

For example, I had my yearly Dr. appointment the other day.  You ladies know how that goes.  Well, these appointments are always stressful for me because my Mom's breast cancer was found by her Dr.  My appointment was scheduled since November.  Discussed and written on the calendar.  Dan was scheduled off and figured if he got a slip for court then he would just call out.

Except he didn't find out he had court until the day before my appointment (ah, the joys of being a police wife) and they have been cracking down on officers for calling out of court (another joy, days off are not necessarily days off).  My response:  It's ok, we'll manage.

WE'LL MANAGE?  How in the world did I think I would manage handling a fussy baby and curious toddler while spread eagle on a table?  Sounds like a freakin' nightmare!

Thankfully, he showed up at the office before the Dr. came into the room.  Unfortunately, it was after I pretty much traumatized Abby by explaining, in as simple terms as possible, what the stirrups were for (what was I supposed to do, wait until the Dr. was doing his thing to explain?).

My point is, my lie, 'It's OK, we'll manage', caused tons of problems.  I was resentful all morning.  I was passive aggressive (don't tell Dan I admitted that) which led to a huge blow up fight.  I should have been honest and upfront.  It may not have changed anything but it would have gotten the frustration out of me.

That frustration is what came out today when I heard myself sound like a monster.  All the pent up frustrations are being taken out on the most innocent.  That's not fair and that's not how I want to be.  EVER.

So, I need to stop lying on daily basis.  This is my home.  This is my life.  I need to speak up for what I think is right and quit saying, 'It's OK'.

Because, it just isn't.

*Linking up with Mama Kat and answering the prompt:  List of lies you consistently tell.

Nurturing a Need to Play

I would never consider myself a storyteller nor would I consider myself very creative.  But to Abby, my stories are EPIC.  Her eyes light up, she hangs on every word, she gets excited when a character in my story likes the same things she does.  To her, there is no better story then one I can tell.

The first story I ever made up was a total FAIL.  Half way through the story, I realized that I was telling the story of a cross dressing elephant named BoBo.  I thought my story was not only ridiculous but also pretty lame.  Abby, on the other hand, couldn't get enough of the Adventures of BoBo.

We've moved on from BoBo (thankfully).  Now I tell stories of Bobby Jo the Brontosaurus and her brother Billy Bob.  Sometimes Bobby Jo goes shopping for a pink polka dotted toy Triceratops.  Other times, she goes to the park to slide down the tunnel slides.  There isn't a day that goes by that Abby doesn't ask to hear a story about Bobby Jo.

At first, I felt a bit silly.  I thought too hard about making the story into a lesson.  I tried to make the story perfect.  I realize now that it's not the story that Abby loves.  It's the fact that I'm telling it.  She wants to hear me.  She wants me to interact with her.  She wants my attention.  She wants me to play.

Now, I don't over think the story.  A moral to the story would be nice but isn't necessary.  The story itself doesn't even have to change much each time I tell it.  Now, I involve her.  I ask her what she thinks Bobby Jo ate at lunch or what she bought at the store.  We make up the story together.

Now, I realize that there is a moral to the story.  There is a lesson to be learned.  Abby is learning how to imagine, play, think, and create all on her own.  Now, she doesn't always need me to tell her a story.  I hear her in her room making up a whole world for her and her toys.  She pretends and she imagines what she doesn't see. She improvises and tries to make what she needs (a tupperware is a car seat or a yogurt container as Daisy's bed).  Her imagination has endless possibilities.

I am learning that the most important thing I can do for Abby is to nurture her desire to play.  Playtime is when she puts all of the things she has learned into action.  It's where she starts to put together the pieces of life's many puzzles.  And it's where she discovers things she never knew before.