Here we are at the 2 year mark. Two years since my Mom has been here. It's hard to believe. There are so many times I still want to call her. Sometimes whether I told her something or whether she was somewhere is fuzzy... I can picture her talking to me about something but then realize it would be impossible. She was just always there, always available to chat so sometimes my mind plays tricks on me.
It's crazy to think of all the things that she wasn't here for. The little things. Abby's first words and steps. The funny things she does. The gossip from family get togethers. Then there's the big things. A new baby. A new home. Family tensions.
She's been missed, by so many. The longer she's gone, the more I learn, the more I admire her. The pain is still just as raw but it surfaces a little less now. I'm sure it will always be there. I try not to focus on the sadness because I know I need to move forward.
I read this the other day in Mitch Albom's book "Have a Little Faith" and I thought I would share. It follows a story as told by Rabbi Albert Lewis during one of his sermons.
"My friends, if we tend to the things that are important in life, if we are right with those we love and behave in line with our faith, our lives will not be cursed with the aching throb of unfulfilled business. Our words will always be sincere, our embraces will be tight. We will never wallow in the agony of 'I could have, I should have.' We can sleep in a storm. And when it's time, our good byes will be complete."
There is no greater lesson we can learn and losing my Mom so young has taught me this lesson well. Do what's right, treat people right and keep your regrets to a minimum. Make sure the ones you love know it and try hard to bite your tongue when you're angry. When I think back to how I treated my Mom, I think I was pretty good to her. However, there are some things that I wish I wouldn't have said or done. I was young, stressed, tired.... so many excuses. But those moments are ones I can't get back. I try to remind myself daily to not make the same mistake but it's sometimes hard. All a person can do is try.
Mom, I miss you every day and I am forever grateful that our last words to one another were "I love you."
I'm so sorry you lost your mom. My mom had Ovarian cancer when I was in High School, she made a full recovery thank goodness - but even at the time I refused to accept that any other outcome was possible since I simply could NOT imagine losing her. I still can't, and can't imagine how you must feel today. My mom worked in palliative care for many years and when I lost a good friend of mine she told me, grief never goes away, it's cyclical - but eventually, with time it rears it's ugly head less often and leaves us be to remember all the good.
ReplyDeleteLove that you are able to focus on the good even today.
You and your mom sound like you had a wonderful, beautiful relationship. I'm so sorry you lost her at such a young age.
ReplyDeleteThese are great quotes and insights, thanks so much for sharing.
She must be so proud of you :)
My dear friend my heart goes out to you! I truly know how you feel to have such a huge part missing from your life. I feel it every day. I also would have loved for my Dad to have been able to see my daughter and me as a mother. But your Mom and my Dad are looking on us all and making sure we are doing alright. They are angels now. I know it sounds comforting, but at times it may not be enough. Please know that you are not alone and that it is because you loved your Mom so much that you feel this great loss. That is such a blessing that we have known such incredible love! Your Mom is proud of you and is with you always! I pray for her and you at this time of remembering.
ReplyDeleteMama Hen
Just checking in on you my friend. I hope you are doing well.
ReplyDeleteMama Hen
What a sweet tribute to your Mom!
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